Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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