So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
