i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
