I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
