If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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