Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
