I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
