I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
