don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
4 words: hood of his car
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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