Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
