If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
