I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
