May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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