I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
