I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize