Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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