I can tuck mytits in my pants
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
