I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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