Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
