The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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