I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just threw up on my dentist
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Couch. On fire.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
