Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
