i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
