The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
