i don't like sucking hair
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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