Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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