I got chris browned last night
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize