I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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