were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
