who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
only you would photoshop your dick
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
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