If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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