erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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