oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you had me at cake vodka
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
