Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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