i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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