then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
