im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
