Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
