My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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