Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
