Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
