You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
