She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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