I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
