have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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