Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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