I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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