I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
