Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
