if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
