Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize