omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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