Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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