it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
