whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
