dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
