I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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