I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Randomize
