Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
