so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i think im in europe. pls send help
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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