I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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