I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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