This girl is more easily done than said...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
