i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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