i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
