so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Houston, we have a blender
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
