i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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