i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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