so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
