good thing vaginas are great cup holders
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
