oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
