just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
