I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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