margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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