..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
