And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
