Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
