I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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