the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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