I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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