never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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