You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I deserve this hangover.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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