i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
