New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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