I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
