I will die if light touches me.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
