Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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