well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
