i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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