Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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