Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
sarcasm needs its own font
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
