my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
