3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
