Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
