I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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