My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
