..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
