We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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