i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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