I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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