No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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