I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
