I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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