Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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